An Alternate Conversation
by PadfootIsMyHomeDawg
Summary: Companion piece to my full-length fic, Parsel. Harry is inquisitive, the Hat is confused, Harry really doesn't like eagles, and the Hat just wants to figure out where to Sort him already. An alternate conversation between the Hat and Harry when he gets Sorted.
**When I was first outlining my plans for the story, I had an idea where when Harry was Sorted, he would be commenting on the House colors and critiquing the Houses based on that. But, as you saw, that never happened. Still, I wanted to write it out as a "what if?", and this is what came of that.**

 **(The first section is a copy-and-paste from chapter 18, so that it could still flow nicely and give people a small refresher for the happenings of just beforehand.)**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **…**

Harry walked forward on sure legs, a far cry from the rest of the nervous first years, and mused that Shamora was rather good at explaining without revealing anything. Still, her explanation didn't stop the whispers from the students as they discussed those 'extenuating circumstances' with their neighbor. You had to be either a new muggleborn without a subscription to the _Daily Prophet_ or living under a rock to be unaware that Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, had lived in a forest for ten years after the defeat (read: disappearance) of You-Know-Who.

Harry ignored their whispers now though, sitting on the designated stool while Shamora dropped the Hat on his head. The brim fell to his eyebrows, so that Harry could still see the students craning in their seats to get a look at him.

 _:Well, this is interesting. I've never met anyone quite like you before.:_

Harry jumped at the voice that spoke directly inside his head, but even more startling, it was in Parseltongue.

 _:You can speak Parseltongue?:_ The hissed words slipped past his lips before he could even think to pull them back, and he distantly noted that several students had yelped or fallen from their seats at the sound of Parseltongue in the otherwise silent Great Hall.

 _:Dear boy, Salazar Slytherin helped to create me. Do you really think I wouldn't have picked up some Parseltongue from his essence?:_ The Hat had a fair point. _:Besides that, Salazar thought it would be a good idea to make me able to speak any language, as at the time of Hogwarts' founding, children were coming from all over the continent, speaking different languages and dialects. Having someone who can understand everyone puts those children at ease. I haven't had to do so as much in recent centuries, but just last year I was communicating in Tamil with a couple of twins.:_

 _That does make sense,_ Harry thought to the Hat.

 _:Of course it does. Now let me figure out where to Sort you.:_

 _Do I need to do anything for this to make it easier?_

 _:As a matter of fact, if you could lower your Occlumency shields just slightly…ah, there we are. You have stronger shields than any child I've Sorted who hasn't been abused regularly – you should be proud. Of course, your serpent abilities likely have a large role in that…:_

 _ **Don't tell anyone!**_ Harry thought sharply, unconsciously snapping his shields up again.

 _:Who would I tell?:_ the Hat sounded slightly irritated. _:I'm bound to keep the secrets of the children I Sort – only fair after rifling through their thoughts and memories and deepest desires. Which, I have to say would be a lot easier if you would stop sending me to your mental hurricane to get me out.:_

 _Sorry,_ Harry apologized, and tried consciously lowering his shields.

 _:Much better – thank you,:_ the Hat said. _:Now, although you are a snake, I don't think Slytherin is the choice for you. And in the current political climate…hm…_

 _._

 _I don't like Slytherin, anyway,_ Harry thought to the Hat. _Sully is there._

 _:Yes, quite the interesting confrontation there on the train. Brash too, but sometimes that's okay. And with that particular boy… But I am surprised, I'll admit – you wouldn't even wish to be in a House where their mascot is your literal other half?:_

 _No,_ Harry thought simply, and then crinkled his nose. _Besides, the green they have is very strange. It's dark – most snakes aren't that color. I'm brighter green, and Sadi is more of a brown-green. The green there is uncommon, and not good for blending in. Very bad idea on Salazar Slytherin's part to choose that particular shade._

 _I don't like the blue one – it makes me sad,_ he decided, opening his eyes to look at the hangings. _And their animal is a predator bird. I don't think I would like it there. So, don't put me in the blue House, please._

 _:I don't Sort people based on their favorite color, Mr. Potter,:_ the Hat sounded simultaneously irritated and amused.

 _Well, what do you want me to say, then?_ Harry thought indignantly. _You're taking an awful long time – are you waiting for my opinion? Because I'm giving it to you!_

The Hat sighed _._ _:Just sit there, boy. I'll just have a quick look through your head.:_

 _Zuri is in Gryffindor,_ he reminded the Hat, as though it didn't know, not wanting to be put somewhere he wouldn't like.

 _:I am quite well aware of that – I was the one to put her there. Hm, you may fit in there…oh, but what's this? You may value loyalty and hard work as much as Helga did. But between loyalty and courage…hm…that's a tough one.:_

 _Are you waiting for me to make a choice?_ Harry asked after a moment of silence. _Because I don't actually know what the animal is for the yellow House. Is_ _ **it**_ _a predator?_

 _:And what does that matter, Mr. Potter? You're not going to turn into a badger if you go to Hufflepuff.:_

 _I've never heard of a badger,_ Harry thought, ignoring the question. _Are they very friendly? Why_ _ **do**_ _the Houses have colors, anyway? They already have animals – and none of the animals correspond correctly with their colors. I've never seen a_ _ **blue**_ _bird predator before. Only the small birds, the ones that_ _ **I**_ _can eat._

 _:Harry Potter, you have accomplished something thousands of other students have been unable to do through the centuries, and that is make my head ache. Amazing feat, that, considering I don't actually_ _ **have**_ _a head.:_

 _Well, will you Sort me, then?!_ Harry thought impatiently, his stomach growling.

 _:Alright, we'll make this quick. Do you want to make friends here?:_

 _I guess. Mostly I just want to make sure Zuri and Xylon don't get bullied anymore – or anyone else._

 _:And with those attributes, you would be perfectly placed in – :_ "HUFFLEPUFF!"

 _…_

 **And of course everyone knows what happens after that. Hope you all enjoyed it! I liked writing it, personally. ;)**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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